I drop my head between my hands, tears well in the corners of my eyes, heart, and sighs.
Everything in me wants to fight, to scream, to defend, and to show that I am more than who people think they know.
When my voice feels silenced and my life unseen- I push, I pull, I fight in the tug of war of wanting so much more. I chase and pursue every opportunity that comes into view; Frustrated, wondering what else am I supposed to do!?
Only He is the defender of the weak, father to the fatherless, home to the lonely, lifter of my head, and one who knows my name.
He fights for those who are still. So I sit, still, in quiet desperation. Still is my posture when waiting is all I have.
The illusion of control is surrendered. Knees are buckled, and the bruises of this reed are bowed.
Self-sufficient strength is exhausted, leaving the only option of faith. And I sit in the dark night of quiet desperation.
God, do you hear, do you see? Where is the exhale, the reprieve? When will it be my turn to do the thing I yearn most to glorify you?
Quiet desperation
It’s the deep place below the surface where the waves rise and the water is stirred.
Quiet desperation speaks of the heart’s tension between wrestling and waiting on what only He can do.
Choosing faith in the midst of waiting ignites the heart of quiet desperation.
It sits and waits through the longing and the ache. It chooses joy and celebration even when it feels fake.
Quiet desperation happens within the places only He can reach. We have wounds only He can speak..truth into the lies only He can reach. And dreams which only His steps can make.
Quiet desperation waits in humility and obedience in the hope that the other side of “someday” will be proved true.
So my hope for me and you, is that we see the face and the hands of the one who is making all things new.
Quiet desperation is not forever.
Maybe you’re wondering about the how of what to do with “right now.”
Be still and know that He is God.
thank you for the beautiful hope that “quiet desperation is not forever.”
So much that I could say here, but I won’t bore you with my crap. Just say that this is good stuff. Thanks for reminding me to have hope.
Bernard, crap is good! Thank you for reading mine! ha! Hoping you see his favor and smile on you today. Thank you for saying something on here!
Amen, and Amen!!!
Ah, in my best moments I do what you said, be still and know….just be still and know, and gather strength, and gain momentum, and receive his peace. In my all too many weaker times I run and hide, or find diversion. Because of reading this I just prayed for me to do more of the better, less of the worse, and for you too. It was a blessing. Thank you and God bless you Tracee. (and since it’s my first comment I’ll tell you I’m @CraigBelieves from twitter)
That whole “receiving his peace” is so hard. Peace is what is lacking in seasons like this. I know peace only comes from surrendering it all in this time. Hoping you feel his peace today! thank you so much for praying!
“Quiet desperation speaks of the heart’s tension between wrestling and waiting on what only He can do.
Choosing faith in the midst of waiting ignites the heart of quiet desperation.
It sits and waits through the longing and the ache. It chooses joy and celebration even when it feels fake.”
Ah the waiting. That is the most difficult thing for me. I am a “take action” kind of person. Being idle is not the easiest thing for me. Everything inside me is screaming, “God do something!!!” But God is teaching me to be patient and wait on His timing through our circumstances right now. Trusting Him and only Him to provide for all of our needs.
I am with you when it comes to my dreams and future stuff. It is so hard to not take control. I have fail every time i have tried. Doesn’t mean not moving in the direction He has us, or stepping out, but there are just things only He can do. So frustrating sometimes. I am with you about letting God know I am frustrated, and that I am still waiting! ha! Hoping your waiting season and circumstances are over soon!
The more I walk out my faith the more I realize these moments that you’ve described aren’t breaking me down and making me weaker…but instead their allowing me to step back (if even for a moment) and gain some awesome clarity on Jesus’s consistent fingerprints on my life. Praise God He is in control! I would totally screw things up even more than I already do without Him. We need moments of quiet desperation sometimes, no matter how often our impatient minds tell us different…these just might be the moments we hear God whispering to us…
true story Jeremy. God definitely does some great strengthening and character building during these times. It is worth it in the long run if we can wait it out. I know i fail at doing things myself. just makes for a longer process. We like to throw some good tantrums!
Yes, this. Beautifully written, friend. I look forward to this time of quiet desperation ending for the both of us.
Me too!! Really excited for some crazy good writing opportunities for you!
I have loved each word I’ve read of you these past several months beginning with “listening.” I must say that this post, my Nashville friend is now my most favorite of you. I am going to print each definition of Quiet Desperation out so I can read them all the times they deserve. I have chosen joy even in times of feeling fake wondering if it was truly joy I was experiencing. Thankful to say I now know the difference. You continue impacting me. I pray that one day I can return the gift to you.