I drop my head between my hands, tears well in the corners of my eyes, heart, and sighs.
Everything in me wants to fight, to scream, to defend, and to show that I am more than who people think they know.
When my voice feels silenced and my life unseen- I push, I pull, I fight in the tug of war of wanting so much more. I chase and pursue every opportunity that comes into view; Frustrated, wondering what else am I supposed to do!?
Only He is the defender of the weak, father to the fatherless, home to the lonely, lifter of my head, and one who knows my name.
He fights for those who are still. So I sit, still, in quiet desperation. Still is my posture when waiting is all I have.
The illusion of control is surrendered. Knees are buckled, and the bruises of this reed are bowed.
Self-sufficient strength is exhausted, leaving the only option of faith. And I sit in the dark night of quiet desperation.
God, do you hear, do you see? Where is the exhale, the reprieve? When will it be my turn to do the thing I yearn most to glorify you?
It’s the deep place below the surface where the waves rise and the water is stirred.
Quiet desperation speaks of the heart’s tension between wrestling and waiting on what only He can do.
Choosing faith in the midst of waiting ignites the heart of quiet desperation.
It sits and waits through the longing and the ache. It chooses joy and celebration even when it feels fake.
Quiet desperation happens within the places only He can reach. We have wounds only He can speak..truth into the lies only He can reach. And dreams which only His steps can make.
Quiet desperation waits in humility and obedience in the hope that the other side of “someday” will be proved true.
So my hope for me and you, is that we see the face and the hands of the one who is making all things new.
Quiet desperation is not forever.
Maybe you’re wondering about the how of what to do with “right now.”
Be still and know that He is God.