We all grew up memorizing the nursery rhyme “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but names/words will never hurt me.”
This is just a bunch of bull. Why do we teach people this!? The truth is that I would rather be hit with sticks and stones because it heals faster, and it doesn’t leave as painful of a mark on me.
Words mean everything to our hearts and life. The sound of those words can make or break someone forever. Words and names pierce the deepest parts of us, and in such a short period of time. I am sure we can all think of words we heard in the last 24 hours that either encouraged us or left a mark of hurt.
Tone of voice means everything as well. Growing up I knew when my mom was mad. We didn’t even have to be on the same floor of the house and the message was clear!
We listen to words and voices. Those words tend to determine how we view ourselves. They dictate the lenses through which we base our identity on.
My heart hurts when I see the lifelong lies people live out. I hate hearing about the hurts that people have experienced that have now developed into daily patterns of insecurity. It breaks me. I am sad over my own lenses that determine the way I hear.
I am not good at receiving. I gloss over compliments and sometimes encouragement. My immediate thought is that those words are not meant for me. I have lies that were solidified in my ears a long time ago. It’s hard to hear “you’re beautiful” because “you’re ugly” has been spoken over me for too long. I still wonder what beautiful feels like.
Our culture speaks the words that nothing is enough. We have an un-meetable bar for being lovable, worthy, and valuable. All of those seem to come with competition and pain. That makes me sad. I don’t know one person who is confident in their identity.
Our identity can be challenged but never changed.
The misconception about identity is that it changes. The truth about identity is that it is a fact; a fact that is unchanging regardless of any conditions.
God created us with the identity that we are valuable, lovable, worthy, and His beloved. That never changes. This is the truth that we need to measure all words up against. He says we are worth saving and worth loving – worth laying down His life for. That is fierce love and value. Nothing changes that truth.
Our lives face many battles and challenges to this truth, but truth can’t cease to be truth. You are spoken over and spoken for. That never changes.
I get that this is a lifelong challenge. Changing a long time pattern of thinking and believing takes time. My hope is that your lenses start to change and the voices you begin to hear at that of truth.
You are worth it!
What are lies you struggle with in your life?
my dad and i were just talking about this today! how words spoken over us years ago are still as clear as a bell.
Yes!! Echoing just as loud! Do you have some memorable ones in particular?
“no offense but you are just not all that pretty” that’s a tough one for me to overcome. even if someone says i am pretty i instantly hear that person’s voice..:(
I hate that!! Hate that you heard and felt that one at all! I’m right with you. I can’t hear a positive in this area at all. Grateful for his gentle grace.
Wow. This struck a chord. Especially about feeling un-beautiful and insecure. I was once told a guy felt like he should want to date me but that he just “couldn’t get past” my looks. I didn’t measure up, he felt the need to tell me so, and I have never fully forgotten that.
It makes me want to be SO careful and intentional with my words–to minister and bless. I have to be so mindful of this, even with my own children.
Thank you for this, Tracee. Love your heart!
Oh man friend!! I want to punch that guy in the face! Such hurtful words. I hate that you were pierced with that lie. So grateful you said something as well. AND so grateful your kids will know different!
So, so true and so sad. I still struggle with words spoken over me growing up and have such a hard time seeing past those filters to the truth. The truth from my husband, from friends and the truth from my Father.
Here’s to “truth can’t cease to be truth.”
I am so with you Carol. I struggle to hear the truth. I know it in my head, but it’s getting it into my heart that is the hard part. some weeks are just harder than others. Wounds and lies are real, but it doesn’t have to have as much weight as we place on them. Thank you so much for commenting!
You are so right, Tracee! Two instances come to mind when I think about the words people have said about me that really hurt. When I was in middle school I was crushing on this girl and me being an ultra shy kinda awkward kid meant I was in no way gonna let her know about how I felt…at least not face to face. So I did what a lot of kids do, I let her know by way of other people..you know, a buddy of mine would go up to her and say, “Jeremy likes you, do you like him too” scenario. To my surprise this girl did like me and before long we were talking between classes and sitting together at the lunch table…the cute stuff you know. A few days later one of this girls friends walked up to the two of us in the hall and blurts out, “I can’t believe you’re doing this…you can do better than this,” she said pointing at me….like I wasn’t even a person really. My heart broke as this girl I liked and who obviously liked me…looked at me with the same hurt I had in my eyes and walked away with her friend…and she never would interact with me again throughout middle school or high school. Those words, “you can do better than this..” impacted me a lot more than I cared to admit at the time and I hated myself that I let this person’s words hurt me like they did.
The second memory I have is from almost two years ago when my ex wife told me she was having an affair. I was so mad and hurt that I couldn’t form much in the way of sentences, but through my anger and pain I asked her why she cheated on me. What she said next was honestly worse than any physical beating I could have taken…and she even said what she said with hesitance, like she didn’t want to hurt me, but needed to. Every word she said is etched in my mind. “I just want to be with someone that can fix things around the house and knows how to dance and listens to country music and likes more of the things I like. I just…I need someone who makes me feel safe. I just want to be with someone who makes me happy.” For most men, what she said cut at a lot of things that we work hardest at and build pride over.
In both instances it took me some time to dull the sting of those words and not let them define me, it’s a difficult battle that should remind us how important we need to be with our words towards one another.
Those are deep lasting wounds right there Jeremy. They have definitely stuck with you. They would stick with anyone. Hoping you are finding renewed sense of your great worth in life now. I hate that you still hear those words echo. words cut deep. they leave marks and scars. Thanks for sharing them here Jeremy!
I was just thinking about this stuff the other day. Seems I’m always hearing old lies resurface. But they are not from things people ever told me; it’s just from the enemy himself. Stemming from my parent’s divorce and having a dad who left. (Same old song.) For me, it seems to always center around “You just don’t matter to others” and “You’re such a failure” and “Don’t be a burden to anyone. Rely on yourself; others can’t be trusted.”
It’s taken a long time to work through these and to learn to live in God’s truth and love, letting Him heal these past hurts and lies. But I still face them more often than I wish, so I have to be aware that these thoughts are not from me or from God. The closer I seek to walk with God and abide in Him the less power these have over me. But they still need to be worked through when they surface, by running to God with them.
Tracee, I may have said this already, but I love your heart, your passion for others, and your genuineness. Keep it up. This is a rare website where you really display a sincere passion for helping others, not just for hearing yourself talk or teach (as I find on other websites a lot). God bless you!
on man, I am so with you Heather. I hate that we have the kind read-between-the-lines kinda lies from our families. I can’t tell you how much i resonate with your message of “rely on yourself because others can’t be trusted.” I am no good at trusting others. I once I feel like that trust has been broken it takes forever for me to risk again. Grr!! It is a constant battle to believe that God is good and has good people and things for me. He really is the only one who can be completely trusted. Yet, i take back my trust all the time. life long process! Always love your thoughts!